Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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