Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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