Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
