You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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