PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
