My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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