I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
