So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
