i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
