i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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