I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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