Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
