So drunk its hurt
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
