Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
