Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
