i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
