Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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