Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize