I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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