my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So. Much. Porn.
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