Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
