you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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