Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
