Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
