I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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