walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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