What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
