dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
