Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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