she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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