that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
