this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
birth control should be required to get into college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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