I faked an abortion last night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
