You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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