don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
