FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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