"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
