I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
