she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
