I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
