And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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