I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
