I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
