Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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