Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
