if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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