So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize