Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
