I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
