hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we're so committed to being not committed
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