She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
