dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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