My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
