You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
