Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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