the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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