no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
