Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My cat gives me a boner
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
