Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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