dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
