yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
