My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't turn off my feet"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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