hotel room ftw
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
