Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
tell me about the eggs
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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