My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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