...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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