Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
