She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
