I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
