Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
