Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My vagina just recognized that song.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
