Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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