He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
