Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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