didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
