But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
