I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
