I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
