i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We just shotgunned beers for America
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
