Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
